I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
