I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
