dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
