I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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