just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
