Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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