I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
