If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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