AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
