He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
