Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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