Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You can't just leave with hair like that
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
