Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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