too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
