i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
