Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
