Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
