the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
