hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
