I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
