I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
