So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We left an ass print on the piano.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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