thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Randomize
