she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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