i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
