people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
