I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
