While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
