She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I love having hate sex.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
