well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
