miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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