anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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