"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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