Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
