Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The best revenge is premature balding
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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