i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You ruined the universe
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
