According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
