wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
