My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
