i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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