Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
