I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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