It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
