I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
