Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
