Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
