my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
