smell my finger.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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