Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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