Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
